Porochista Khakpour

how are you doing?

I am okay! It is mostly unnerving to be in Queens which is the center of the pandemic in New York and arguably the country! I am healthy though. I am currently most worried about income and the fact that my next book comes out in a month and so many gigs are being cancelled.

how do you feel?

I feel sad for not just this country but for the world. I feel frustrated because I know a lot of this could have been avoided. I feel angry for us. I feel a lot! 

what do you need?

Money, ha. It's funny--basics have been very hard to come by. My friends in California have started sending me toilet paper and basic dry goods. I feel like I could probably have an expensive face oil delivered to me in two days but getting my hands on eggs and flour takes weeks. I've been without simple Vitamin C for a month. Yesterday was my first grocery delivery in over three weeks because all the services have been booked solid.

what do you wish was different?

Pretty much everything but dogs and most nature!

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha coined the term "Crip Emotional Intelligence." What crip intelligence, whether emotional or otherwise, that you have developed is coming in handy right now? 

I don't use the word "crip" a lot but I know what you mean: I feel like first of all I am used to being indoors all the time. My life is some version of this all the time. I often had very limited contact with others. So being able to be alone is definitely a survival skill chronic illness granted me. I also am so used to being anxious and alarmed about my welfare that I almost feel zen now. Suddenly everyone is going through it with me! A rare feeling. But I also feel annoyed at able-bodied people and their fragility. I have no patience for some of their sentiments. They really think living like a chronically ill person for a few weeks is the end of their life? Please! 

what are you dreaming of?

In the immediate: building a hammock on my balcony so I can at least hang out outdoors more as the weather gets better and better. In the future: an end to this that comes with an acknowledgment of our failed healthcare system and the wisdom to make things better for real this time. 

Interview by Bára Hladík
Read by Emilie Kneifel